top of page

Are you driving under the influence of someone else’s emotion?

In a world fraught with challenges and uncertainties, emotional resilience is a critical asset for navigating the tumultuous seas of modern existence. But how do we cultivate this resilience, and why is it essential for our wellbeing?

Throughout my career, I’ve dedicated myself to unravelling the mysteries of emotional resilience. Through extensive research and personal experience, I’ve developed a simple yet effective language designed to increase emotional resilience, empowering individuals of all ages to harness their inner strength and weather life’s storms.

When used daily, language can create neural pathways, establishing new patterns of thought and helping you to regain and maintain control of your response to people and circumstances.

Let’s embark on a transformative journey to discover five powerful strategies for building emotional resilience that puts you back in control:


Replacing the words “good” and “bad” with “rough” and “smooth”, respectively, makes it easier to view things objectively, without judgement.

“I’ve had a rough day” is far less judgemental than “I’ve had a bad day”. By reframing our perceptions of emotions and dividing them into rough and smooth roads, we transform them into opportunities, as all emotional roads have a purpose.

Rough roads build resilience and smooth roads build health, so no roads are off-limits. “I’m on a rough road at the moment. I just need to slow down and pull over” removes stigma and judgement.


We have been led to believe that to succeed, we should be on a smooth road and that we are failing if we’re experiencing rough road emotions such as sadness, anger, shame, guilt, and anxiety.

Realising that challenging emotions have a purpose takes away that judgement. If you want to improve your driving skills, will that happen on a smooth, easy road or a rough, more challenging one?

Emotions that lead you down the rough roads are helping you to improve your driving skills and build your resilience, especially once you learn how to regain and maintain control on those challenging roads.


At the heart of emotional resilience lies the power of choice. Despite life’s challenges, we can always choose our response.

In emotional resilience, think of your control as your emotional steering wheel. It’s where you decide what to focus on and which road to drive down.

Just as you are the sole driver of a car, you should be the only one controlling your emotional steering wheel. Yet, often, we unknowingly let others grab hold and dictate our emotional direction. At times, we may even try to grab the wheel from others, thinking that we are helping by steering them onto a smoother road. But how do they then build their resilience?

Your emotional steering wheel belongs solely to you. By taking charge of where you steer, you regain control over your focus, emotions, and destination, which is incredibly empowering.


Instead of using phrases like “You’re making me angry” or “It’s your fault that I’m angry”, and giving them control of your steering wheel, try saying, “I am choosing to feel angry in response to this situation”.

By making this subtle change of replacing “making” with “choosing”, you reclaim ownership of your steering wheel rather than relinquishing control to external factors.

Statements like “It’s the government’s fault, it’s my partner’s fault, it’s my job’s fault” leave you feeling like a victim. Often to regain control, you then retaliate, often with a response like “You said that so I’m going to say this”.

This verbal adjustment underscores personal responsibility, fostering a sense of empowerment rather than victimisation. It can profoundly impact your perspective and emotional state, empowering you to navigate challenges with control.


Self-care is not selfish, it’s essential for building emotional resilience.

Prioritise activities that nourish your mind, body, and soul, whether exercising, meditating, or spending time in nature. By investing in your wellbeing, you replenish your emotional reserves and equip yourself to face life’s challenges with renewed vigour.

Incorporating these strategies into your daily life will take you on a transformative journey toward emotional resilience and self-empowerment. You’ll become stronger, wiser, more empathetic, and less judgemental towards yourself and others.


bottom of page